Today had ended like any other day: I wake in the wee hours about 3:30 or 4:00 in the morning sitting straight up in bed because someone’s poured a cold glass of water on me. Panicking, I look around making sure the light is still on, am I alone.
Who would wake me up that way? But no one is with me now.
I realize I was dreaming.
I go to the bathroom wondering why, I woke up so startled.
Back in bed, I look at my phone – no one has called.
I start thinking about the dreams I just had. They’re not unpleasant, just sketchy bits and pieces of people I don’t know
in a restaurant near my place.
When this has happened in the past, it’s never been good… especially when the dream starts repeating.
I’ve been having the same dream every night for about a week now. This recurring dream usually means I have a problem to resolve if I am dreaming with the focus on me. But, if not and I am around strangers and I don’t talk or see someone I know who is the focus.
Then I have a message to tell them. I don’t know who has the problem or what it is this time.
I do know I am tired of him waking me up. I never remember how at first.
I need to answer a question, which too often, isn’t apparent what it is I am being asked.
You see, this is not the first time this has happened.
I feel what may happen in the near or distant future beforehand. In dreams or thoughts I call visions. I say may happen because fate can be purposely or unknowingly altered and changed by whomever is going to be affected.
That’s where I come in to warn about such things, to others. It isn’t always bad news. I feel most compelled to deliver those messages so it can be changed. If I don’t it bothers me with uneasiness for a long time.
I’m a messenger of some sort, I guess.
For example if I told you not to fly, the plane will crash. You get off that flight your outcome has just changed. You could choose not to believe me also, then crash with the plane. Or whatever other variable can be managed. Perhaps, you are a pilot?
The events I see are as of the present circumstances, at that particular moment.
Visions that come to me in my dreams; I don’t always know what it is I’m dreaming of until it happens again.
The man in my dream is literally trying to tell me something.
I can see his lips move; he’s not far away but I understand nothing… as he approaches my table I mouth, “Slow down. What are you saying?”
I don’t know or even recognize him. We are in a crowded restaurant I frequent, in Torremuelle, Playa. Near where I’m living in Malaga.
Its full of strangers. I’m mostly ignoring him because, I think he isn’t actually talking to me – at first. I’m the only American in the place; they seen me before everyone knows this because, I stick out when I speak. They are amused by my Spanish speaking attempts.
We are on the beach watching waves and having dinner – which is exactly what I’d been doing before coming home and going to sleep – drinking Sangria with dinner was an everyday occurrence, almost.
He is not speaking my language; Spanish is obviously his native tongue.
I can’t understand him; not because I don’t know Spanish I don’t know what he’s saying because, I can’t keep up. He’s speaking too fast and by the time I turn to look behind me. After, seeing no one there I turn back around and realize I’m the only one he could be talking to. Every thing starts to move in slow motion now.
I open my mouth to speak and he’s gone – but he’s left a piece of paper folded in a perfect square on the table in front of me.
I don’t pick it up, though I am curious about it. I just look at it there noticing the perfect square it’s folded as.
Thinking, when could he even had the time to fold it so precisely. He didn’t. So he must have known who I am and prepared it for me before coming. I wondered.
Then, for some reason I stand up abruptly reaching out toward him as if to say wait. But he’s disappeared, just like that. I try to catch him, looking to see which way he went. In the process, I spill a drink all over my table. I look down and the paper is soaked.
Suddenly, I’m overwhelmed with terrible disappointment. Mouthing in slow motion, “No damn it!” I abruptly wake up – hmmm…
I still fear them; the recurring dreams of my past.
I remembered, that dream’s details thinking about it now, there’s a man I needed to tell someone about. I don’t know who I need to tell or why. I just know I’m tired of waking up. The man with the paper is trying to tell me who it is and what to do.
Weird, I’m just weird.
What’s bothering me? To whom do I need to give a message this time? I lay back thinking it over.
My dreams affect waking life.
In unseen, but no less profound ways, I remember experiences that haven’t happened yet. Not when awake, anyway. Therefore, reality of what is actually happening becomes clouded without improper sleep. I lose the sapient ability to discern the difference between the two realities.
I asked my mother about it once.
“You’re psychic.” She’d said. “Our whole family’s like that.” I’d been relieved to know Schizophrenia did not run in the family. “You can turn it on and off you know.”
I didn’t know.
Randomly experiencing the intrusions while asleep or awake, is draining. The energy it takes from me to allow both realities to talk and not influence my behavior acts like a magnet. I don’t know how to get relief.
And she didn’t say.
So,other than trying to ignore it when awake or not able to sleep until exhaustion from avoiding the nightmares became the only way to sleep – that and using drugs. I got the impression from my mother that how to deal with it is idiosyncratic.
It’s more than a little unnerving. Having things come in your head about people you are looking at usually talking to at the time. A friend telling me about a upcoming job interview. I am knowing instinctively, at that moment the outcome of the interview.
Should I tell them?
I can see the outcome of future events, mostly in mid-conversation. Or one of my friends will intrude into my thoughts, with strong feelings around them – I have a message to tell them but I don’t understand what the message means. I tell them about the pictures in my head. 9 times out of 10 they understand it even if I don’t. I feared being wrong if it was death and stayed hesitant to reveal this to anyone.
I’ll describe someone they know, which comes to me in waking dreams (if I don’t miss it all together or misinterpret the vision). But I always realize later the association from what I saw, when it happens again.
The problem is how to know when I’m only dreaming? Why isn’t it clear, especially if I have to tell others? I hesitated to speak of it, most of my young life. It confused me.
No one in my family ever admitted knowing about it or said they had these types of experiences. I looked for clarity in books about intuition and various other topics. But books about these matters are sparse. I believed psychics were crystal clear with the message signals they received – they understood and knew everything. But I didn’t. I was fairly certain my mother must be lacking the knowledge; unknowing is more of a correct term or category for us to fit.
Until I met someone.
We dated for a few years before going our separate ways, but not before he validated what my mother had said.
He was a different type of person. I felt comfortable talking about my experiences with him. I’d never met anyone like him before. He was familiar with the type of thoughts that bombarded me. I had “vibes” about everything – that’s what I called it anyway. He had the type of consciousness needed to discuss such things without more confusion surfacing. Or him thinking I lost my mind.
I would explain it, “It’s, that feeling you get when you know, afterward, what you should have done but before doing anything.”
Like following your first mind. Haven’t you ever said, “I should have followed my first mind.” After you done something that you regret because it could have been avoided so easily. If you had only listened to your thoughts on what to do about it at first.
I lowered my voice, “If It’s ever ignored, the consequences are severe and long.”
“Do you mean hindsight?” he said.
“Yes, in a way, but its foresight.
For example, you are driving home from work and ponder should I stop off at the store or go home first. You think to go home first, but it’s a fleeting thought; desire talks you out of it. Emotions effect it, also. So, then you think if, I go home first I won’t come back out once I’m changed and comfy there. I will start dinner etc.
So you turn left instead of right and then get pulled over for speeding. You think, “I knew, I should have gone home first.”
It’s the nudge beforehand you ignored. For some reason I know it’s right and I need to listen to it not only for myself but others also. It’s like that – except I’m being nudged so often, asleep or awake, about anything and everything that it’s wearing me out. I’m exposed to it in life constantly. Can you imagine?”
“No,” he said. “No wonder you need help with it.”
He introduced me to a psychic friend of his who explained that there are three types of psychic abilities: present, past and future.
“Most psychics don’t do future,” she’d said. “It doesn’t always happen how you see it – it’s because of the set of circumstances at hand changed or misinterpretation.” And because we can change our fate, or circumstances, means we don’t have to accept the outcome. That’s the one good thing about being able to do future.
“You need to nurture the development of it get acquainted in order to understand the signals,” she explained. “Learn to associate what they mean so you can understand what the signals are for you. What a vision means to you in order to be accurate with the insight.”
It is mostly instinctual and how you feel about those instincts. It gets easier especially, when you learn no one lives or dies because of your visions.
“I have to practice using it?” “Study it?”
“Yes,” she said. Like anything else you want to understand or be good with using, there isn’t another choice. “If you want to get better at using it and stop torturing yourself by figuring out ways to deny it.” It’s a gift all psychics need to become familiar with their abilities. Embrace who you are be strengthened or drained from fighting it.
She also told me about two books my friend had given to her previously, a few years before our conversation at the time. They were on the subject of psychics, but she’d given them away. I needed to know about others like me: how their dreams were involved, what the common denominators were. I was excited to know there are books about it. I wrote down the titles to try and find them later.
I searched everywhere for those books: thrift stores, malls, libraries, you name it.
One Saturday morning I got up and went out to hunt garage sales in my area. I wasn’t looking for the books, I liked looking for anything.
But I found them…
Not one but both book titles were there, together. I couldn’t believe it. It had been over a year since I’d spoken with her. I checked my piece of paper – I still carried it around with me.
Those were them.
Not only were they the correct titles but when I opened the book my friend’s name was inside the cover. They were his books. The exact same copies she spoke of. Later, when I showed him the books he was speechless. So was I. I asked my friend to call her.
I didn’t expect what she had to say. “There are ways of making things happen by staying in the energy of what you wish to produce.”
“Are you saying I made those books available?” I asked.
I thought, if I can do that; I can do anything, I’m going to get rich “Let’s go gambling.” I laughed at the thought.
That was over 25 years ago. We never spoke again, except once when I needed validation with a disturbing vision. She interprets present; it was before I knew that I’m never wrong with what I see. Thank God, it can be changed.
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